I’m baaaaaaaaaaaack

 

Hello everyone what’s up? Long time no see, man I’ve really been through a hectic few weeks, but I’m glad my whole thing is finally over. Let’s talk.

So last month y’all probably know I had a stroke, and was hospitalized for 3 days, which delayed one of my posts, and then after that I went home and had a pretty normal week, but 3 weeks ago I thought I had another one and decided to take my time and go on hiatus for a short while. Uh let’s see what happened here, first off just wanted to let everyone know that apparently the thing I had right before I posted about my hiatus wasn’t the same thing, so technically I could’ve moved on with life and blogging as normal, but the next day after my last post went up, I did actually have another one in my left hand and lower arm, and was admitted to the hospital for another 2 days. It was determined that that one was another minor stroke, so everyone decided it’d be best if we moved the surgery date up from the original date, which was supposed to be 1 week from today. It was moved up the October 19th, which scared the shit out of me because that’s 3 days before my 21st birthday(yes this guys gonna be 21 tomorrow) and y’all could probably understand that I wanted a normal celebration and to get better. I didn’t want anything else at this time, I just had to focus on my health and that was it, but it proved to be way harder than I thought it would be and here’s why. 

Knowing that you have to have heart surgery 3 days before you turn 21 isn’t easy at all, it was quite stressful with thoughts running through my head of how am I gonna do? How am I gonna celebrate afterwords? Will I even be able to have a drink?(cuz ya know 21), well the thoughts took over my head, and they never left. Usually I’m not a person with high anxiety, but this gave me really bad anxiety and it only made it worse with added stress, last week was midterms week at my university, and I was behind, plus one of my professors wasn’t emailing me to acknowledge my situation, so that stressed me out to. When I first got out of the hospital also my friends wanted to come and see me, but someone wanted to come with them, someone who I particularly didn’t like from my old high school, so I thought I was going to mentally break down if that person came here, and so that put stress on me. Both my teams also took pretty big losses right after I got out of the hospital, so that made me depressed(like literally I broke down over 2 stupid football games). I thought I wasn’t gonna be able to control my thoughts at all, but a few days before the surgery I went to church and I prayed and it made me feel 100% better, and then after that I was still a bit stressed, but not as much as I had been in the weeks before. 2 days before was my best friends 21st birthday(yes literally 5 days before mine) and I sent him a really nice message thanking him for helping me out during my hardships, and I told him our teams might’ve lost, but try to stay as positive as I am right now and you’ll be fine. Then the morning of the surgery came, and I was really stressed going in. I had high blood pressure and was just really really nervous. When I woke up though I felt teary eyed, and I was so thankful that it was all over with and that I’d get to go home and celebrate my birthday with my friends soon, 

I’m glad to report that the surgery went well, and that I felt the most alive I’ve ever felt in the past month when I came out of it. I spent Wednesday night in the hospital and was discharged yesterday, I feel completely fine and happy now, the only thing that bothers me is that I have some discomfort in my groin, since thats where the doctor went in to perform the surgery, 

There’s a few things that kept me alive during this whole thing. First was my faith in the lord that I’m a fighter and that I can get through pretty much anything, even this, and also my faith in my doctor. He’s an amazing and smart man, and I’ve known him for 10 years since the last surgery I had of this nature, and so the thought of him not giving up on me really kept me at ease. My friends and family also helped me out though to, but escpecially my friend Garrett. Garrett has been by my side since I was in 8th grade. We went to high school together, and he’s always a fun person to be around. Sometimes he pranks me and my other friends, actually change that to all the time, and so sometimes I have a hard time controlling my emotions with him, sometimes I get a bit too pissed at him when I can’t control my anger, and sometimes it feels like I just wanna smack the guy right in the face when he pulls a joke on me, but despite all that shit, Garrett is probably the only one of my guy friends who actually understands my feeling whenever I’m going though a hard time. It’s not that my other friends aren’t there for me, but sometimes I just don’t feel as if they understand me. Garrett is the smartest person out of our whole group, he’s going to school to become a radiology technician, so I felt like he understood the medical troubles a bit more than other people did, although not anyone can understand it fully except for me and my parents. Garrett made me feel so comforted during this time, and he even protected me from that person who I said I didn’t want over at my house, he lied to her, and told her that I didn’t know she was with my group of friends at the time(even though I did know) and so that prompted the group to take her home before they came and visited me for the first time. I kinda lost trust in another one of my friends in that moment because I knew she had invited that person to join the group, but Garrett knew that I’d be stressed if she was to randomly show up at my house, and so what he did protected me from that person that night, and so I’m glad that I had him by my side to do that for me. I was also there for him to when our favorite collage football team took 2 heartbreaking losses, and I told him to keep his head held high, and that the team is gonna have a fighting spirit just like me. That’s what friends do for each other, and so I kinda considered him my superhero during this rough time. I couldn’t thank him enough for all his love and support for me. Now everyone knows what’s probably gonna be the last thing that kept me alive during the past month, and that ladies and gentlemen is So Far So Good. Since I wasn’t really charting or doing anything the past few weeks, I’ve listened to the album a lot, I still think that every single song off of it is amazing, and even though it’s a very underrated masterpiece, who knows, maybe it was meant to be for a reason. Right before I went into the surgery I woke up for about an hour, turned on my phone, put it by my side, closed my eyes and listened to the album, while muttering the lyrics to each of the songs quietly to myself, and even though I was nervous as all hell going into the surgery, doing that made me feel a lot more comfort that I needed. I’ve done the same thing the last few nights, and again it makes me feel so good. Today the boys dropped a Lofi(or chilled out) version of the original 13 track album, and let me just say it’s like the best early birthday gift I could ever ask for, if I could thank Drew and Alex personally for that I definitely would. They actually had a little Q&A session while I was in the hospital, and I tried to get people to pass a message along to them about how I think the album is the most special thing my newly repaired heart has ever heard, but you know as hard as I tried the message never got through, and while that’s devastating to me, I’m still keeping my head held high that maybe somehow they’ll get that message and know about me. I was gonna message them on Instagram, but I’m a bit too nervous to, plus the character limits don’t give me the chance to really say all that I wanna say to them, but in the end it’s all good though because as long as I know that I have that album with me in my spirit, and that the Purple Hearts I use to represent it are a sign of me being a strong willed person and a fighter, then that gives me lots of comfort, and it passes the message along to me, that everything in life is gonna turn out fine or in simpler words, maybe it means my life is going so far so good. 

So what’s next for me. 

Well most likely I’ll be starting up my charts again next week. I’m not exactly sure if I’ll be able to workout fully, so I might have to earn back a bit of my music listening motivation in a week or so, but even if I can’t, I feel fine to start making charts again. Not a ton of songs that have been released the past month have been that memorable to me, but there’s a lot that have been, and so I’ll be starting off by charting some of them and then slowly moving up and putting new songs on the chart. As for weekday countdown reviews, those will start next week as well. I’ll be doing a little catch-up post highlighting my thoughts on new songs from the past few weeks coming up, but since tomorrow is my birthday I thought I’d let myself slide a bit and take off a day of blogging to celebrate, but I’ll still be getting up like I do every week to follow the countdown though because no matter how weird and wacky it is, following it is what I love doing. I feel a lot better when I listen to Hits 1, even though their rotation has kinda sucked since I was hospitalized, but I’ve given them a few chances this past week, and they’ve been fantastic with the rotation, and so I think it’s finally time for me to get back into the groove of things with them, and it feels so good to say that, even though Spyder Harrison will now only he doing the weekend countdown. 

Alright guys, I think that’s it. If you guys actually read through all this shit, then I thank you because that means you can tolerate a lot, just like I can. I’m so happy to be back here with you guys and please continue to leave as many comments here as possible. I wanna thank you guys for the cooperation the past month, and I’m so happy to be back and I love this community 💜. 

Thank you all again and I’ll see you in my next post.